Week 69, End of Week: After a Briefer Break

"All I could..? But we haven't even found your brother yet." He seemed confused by this train of thought, his eyes finally looking at her as he answered. He looked away as she went to respond about Ken'ichi. His voice was so soft."But if you think about him when we're together... And you, you do. Mention him, how good he was, better than you, better than anyone, how you're worthless compared to him, how everyone is."

He shook his head, looking back at her. "But.. I.. I spend a lot of time with you. Nights and days and hours and work. We do things. I.. care about you. A.. a lot. We sleep in the same bed. You know about my family, I'm trying to find yours. Una.. Una likes you. We eat together. I've.. You've even eaten my cooking..? You've worn my clothes to sleep." He seemed hurt and puzzled. "We talk all the time. I.. listen to you. I.. I want to take care of you. How.. is that like fucking someone for a few hours?" He frowned, face grim. "Even Alessandro, we talk, we shoot guns, we fuck. I've only a handful of days with him. And most of that is partying or training. It's.. it's like what friends do, with some sex. It's not.. like this."

Silvia frowned, trying to find the words to express the complicated roil of feelings that his words were creating. "It...I guess it's...partly because...people like Alessandro get to see a...a part of you that you never share with me. I mean...I don't think I ever act differently...more intimately...with anyone else than I do with you. And then...suddenly you tell me that there's this other side that people like Alessandro get to see that you've never shown to me. Besides just...nuke stuff, I mean." There was a tinge of bitterness at that, although she audibly fought to keep it under control.

"And sex is intimate," she continued, adding quickly, "at least, it is for me. I know it...it might not be for you, or at least, I...I realise that now, but...in the Shi Yukiro, you only have sex when things are...are serious with someone. When...when you're sure that everyone's prepared for the consequences of...of everything. Casual sex just leads to...entanglements that should be avoided. Or at least," she finished, not sounding entirely certain, "that's what they say. And it's...what I grew up with. How I think. So for you to be doing it with other people and not me, that...that feels kind of...bad."

"Okay, wait." Hugo reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Before this goes on, before I keep talking, ah.. um. I have a question." He let go of his face and looked at her, face serious and eyes dark. "No, questions. Is sex more intimate than.. this, what we're doing? I mean, not exclusive but we're.. kind of.. together, right? And.. and.. Would it be.. better.. if we had sex? Like, would you not be as upset?"

His voice was strained, his gears obviously turning hard as he tried to figure out how and what to ask. He was giving her an intense look, waiting for her answer.

Silvia hesitated, thinking through the answer carefully before speaking to try and ensure that she didn't say it wrong. "It...I think it's a different kind of intimate," she said slowly. "And...it feels like you need both for a...relationship. At least a...a serious one. And it...it would be better, yes." She sounded rather more certain on that. "Because...I guess I'd feel more...more secure. And we could do it," she added, slowly, unsure if she was thinking in the right direction. "I mean...it's not like I'm weak. I'm really not. I could defend myself if I needed to, even against you."

Hugo's expression changed, but it was hard to tell.. how. He seemed conflicted. After a second he settled for looking a bit.. concerned. "Maybe.. ..With my toxin filter off. But can you.. defend against.. me being.. Mean? Or.. insulting you? Or not listening to you? Or.. forcing you.. around?" His voice got softer, more quiet, ashamed. "If you're scared.. or.. ..wanting to be.. tender and intimate, that.. might not.. help."

Once again, Silvia paused, thinking through what Hugo was saying. And, eventually, she responded. "I...I think I would be fine," she said, slowly. "I mean...I can't know for sure, but I think it's okay. Seeing as you...you've warned me. Since I...I know in advance what you might be like. And certainly I'd know to...trust what you say outside sex more than...during. I mean...it doesn't necessarily need to be...tender. We...we get quite a lot of tender anyway. And we...we definitely would if you...talk after sex. Like the video. It just...I think it just needs to happen. Sex, I mean. And then maybe afterwards I might...maybe I'd care less about it."

Hugo couldn't help but smile, just a little bit, at the phrase 'a lot of tender anyway'... And Silvia's clinical discussion about something intimate was at least helping him relax a little, and seem less... distant. He did look worried, though as she finished talking. "But if I hurt you? Or.. If you just feel worse? And... what about other people?"

His fingers rested back on the counter, tapping an anxious pattern... Though he leaned in his seat toward her.

"Well, I...I don't think you will," Silvia replied, still speaking carefully and trying her best to think everything through - if only because that distanced her a little from the nervous churning in her stomach. "But...I guess...if you do, then there's not much we can do. But...if we don't try, then we'll never find out. And that...that probably will end up hurting us. Judging by...by this, anyway." She gestured vaguely with a hand, trying to encompass the whole room, including both of them.

"As for other people...maybe it would help me deal with them if we were...having sex. Because then they...they wouldn't have something I didn't. I'm...I'm sorry, that...that kind of sounds...really selfish."

Hugo raised his eyebrows a little, but nodded very slightly as she continued talking. He smiled a little, softly, as she finished. "Yeah, kinda." He didn't seem to take it personally, though, giving her a glance up and down. He extended a hand to her, sliding it across the counter top. "You already have a lot of things that they don't, but.. I understand that." He seemed a lot more relaxed, even wiggling his fingers a little to entice her to put her hand in his. "And it would be... ..very good, to actually.. be with you." There was something wistful in his expression, and his grin widened as he looked at her.

"Okay," Silvia managed, with a note of relief in her voice, and even produced a small smile. Slowly, she reached her hand out and clasped his, eyes focused on his hand and then wandering up to actually register his body - still mostly naked from his sleeping. After a moment, her gaze moved back up to his face and she took a deep breath. "So...uh...what now?" she managed, unable to keep what might have been either anticipation or trepidation entirely out of her voice.

Hugo squeezed her hand a little, looking at their entwined hands before smiling back at her. For a second he imagined standing up to embrace her, and her spines coming out in panic. The image made him chuckle very quietly. "...Things haven't really changed for me, picara, except now I know you want me. And.. ..I'm scared to hurt you, and.. scared you'll hurt me, more than I was before."

He sobered a little at that, though he ran his thumb across the inside of her held wrist. Very gentle touching, done while he tried to figure out what else to say. "...I still need, I mean, I won't do anything if you don't want me too. I mean, I need you to.. to tell me. You need to make the first move. That still.. applies. But, uh, not now. At the very least, I need a shower." He laughed again, very quietly at that, his fingers gently stroking hers. "But, when you're ready, I'll help. ..Ha, oh, no! No, no, that sounds terrible, I mean, I.. I know you're a little intimidated, and... I, we, can work through it, though.. You may need to think of something.. creative for the.. sex itself. But, uh, we don't need to dive right into that."

The massive agent looked back down at their hands, still looking concerned but affectionate. "Is this.. what you want, picara?" Her nickname again, for the second time in as many minutes, after not using it, or talking to her, for days.

Silvia's fingers were returning the stroking, and she smiled slightly wanly at Hugo. "I...I think it is. And I...I'll handle it better, I promise. And...tell you." She squeezed Hugo's wrist, as gently as was possible with her enhanced grip, and let go. "I...we'll work it all out. We will. At least...at least now we...we all know some more stuff." There was a definite tinge of regret there. "Anyway, I should...I should let you get that...that shower. And...thank you. For talking."

Hugo raised his eyebrows, chuckling a little. He left his hand on the counter for a moment before drawing it back. He looked Silvia up and down. "Really? That's all you have to say?" He smiled a little more, expression gentle. "Do I smell that bad? Aah.. I am going home, when we get back. I mean, to my dad's." He looked away for a second. "I've been.. missing it, and it's been a long time since.. Since I saw anyone. so you don't need to worry about me sleeping with anyone else then."

"I...you know I'm not good with talking," Silvia replied, ducking her head slightly as she flushed slightly again. "I'm not...I'm kind of all...talked out. I...I think I need a rest. I didn't mean to...to send you off or anything." There was an undertone of worry, as she wondered whether she was ending the conversation too early. "I...I don't...I mean...you can...sleep with other people if you want," she tried, a little hesitantly. "But...I mean, you don't...I mean..." She stopped, closed her eyes briefly in frustration at herself for failing to find the words and tried again. "Just...have a good time, okay? I...it'll be good. To go home. For you, I mean."

Hugo nodded, smile fading as Silvia did appear to be.. shutting down. Instead he stood with a fairly unconvincing attempt at jocularity, (Fail L&A by 6.) rubbing his hands together, and taking a deep breath. "Yeah, it will. RIGHT, I'm gonna go shower. Don't.. worry too much, picara." He reached up and brushed her cheek with the back of his finger, and with the tiniest flash of a smile left the room to go shower.