Week 17, Directly After The Mission: Souvenirs from Shanghai

The problem with not having hands--or indeed, articulated limbs, or limbs at all--was that it made it hard to do things. In the empty kitchen of Seoul Waste Away, Dusty danced softly on the table making clicking, chirping noises. Bell didn't seem to mind. her mother and godmother came home long enough to drop Dusty off, grab new weapons, and in the case of her mother and Ace, hack... And then left, leaving her alone with her brother and Glockner. And Smallest. It was nice to have company that could talk though, even if it was her brother.

"No, no, use the BLUE paper for Mom!" His voice was high and excited--it had taken him seven hours to wrap Bell's present, and even with his lack of aesthetic skill, he could tell it wasn't.. good. There was still a piece of tex-tape stuck to his shell. But it needed to be a surprise for his sister! At least his mom and his aunt and his godmother-in-law deserved a more beautifully presented present, and Bell was here, not doing anything. There was a teal box and a pink box beside the slender blue box Bell's silver fingers were wrapping. It wasn't an expert job, but for someone who had never wrapped a present before, it wasn't bad. Bell gave her brother a gentle look. He was annoying, yes, but she had watched him with a sense of.. amusement? while he wrapped her present, and found his dedication.. impressive, especially with Smallest around keeping an eye on him. She examined the silvery marker Dusty has procured--where had he gotten the paper, anyway?--critically. She was aware of how writing worked, but not sure how she should choose a font. She turned to her brother, and asked him in their silent, wireless language which lettering he preferred. It was still just easier not to use her mouth.

Bell was finishing the "e" in Pinkie's name, the final present, when the door below opened. Sosie strode in stiffly, bag hanging limply off her shoulder. Dusty, hearing the door open, dove off the table. He hit the ground heavily, but picked himself up quickly. "Mom! I didn't get to say! I got you a present!"

It took Sosie a good few second to look up. Dusty's eye was pressed against the railing, looking down below. Bell rose, and silently walked to the edge, looking over at her mother. Sosie smiled wanly, and shook her head. Her smile, weak as it was, almost instantly faded. Her voice was very quiet, and she had to swallow to find it. "Maybe in a little bit, okay?" She tried to smile again, but it was so small and weak that it may as well not have been there. Moving awkwardly, she turned away and headed downstairs to her room.

*Pinkie stepped in a pace behind Sosie, concern evident on her face. Her expression then collapsed into a crushed grimace as Sosie failed entirely to pretend to be okay, whilst also declining to spend time with her children. Pinkie watched Sosie head off down the stairs, confusion dominating her expression. Looking up at Bell and Dusty, Pinkie nodded to them once and started down the stairs, slower than Sosie had her ever step heavy with the weight of the thoughts she mulled over. Whilst it was difficult to suppress the images of Ace and Positron encased in mobile metal killing machines, which Pinkie found almost as distrubing as outright terrifying, she forced those thoughts down. This is much more important than that, its for her and you have to get it right. Can not afford to make a misstep here. She is in bad enough shape not to want to spend time with Bell and I never have seen her more energised than when Bell was born. Or more sure of herself. Pinkie strode to Sosie's door and placed her hand upon it for a moment, feeling that she understood much more about what was upsetting Sosie. But you have exactly no idea how to go about discussing it with her, much less making her feel better. Even if I just listen, just so long as it helps. Even a little..... Pinkie withdrew her hand and cleared her throat slightly as she grimaced, preparing for the conversation to come.*

Sosie? It is me. Can I talk with you?

*Pinkie pushed the door open without waiting for a response and stood framed in the door way awkardly for a moment, eyes cast firmly to the floor, before shutting the aperture behind her. Taking a few steps into the room she stood to attention, though she did not even attempt to conceal the concern on her face. She would have gone to her friend's side already, but she had never seen her so dismayed and was far from certain how best to approach her now. I need to access the situation before I can deal with it in the... best way. Only now did Pinkie look up to meet her friend, her very closest friend, however her friend was. She knew she would accept Sosie, no matter how that was, the problem was that Pinkie was not sure that would help.*

It was obvious to Pinkie exactly what happened. Sosie had walked in, dropped her bag on the floor, and immediately went to her replicant rig. She was curled up at the base of it now, tucked in between two large clear vats filled with bubbling pale opalescent liquid. She seemed.. very small. Her knees were up, her head between them, her arms around her legs... balled up. Almost.. hiding under the overhangs of her machine. It was on now, humming softly, making very tiny organic noises.

She didn't move when Pinkie spoke or walked in. She didn't look up. She didn't ball tighter. She didn't say anything. She didn't react in any way, not even when Pinkie moved closer... Until she reached the white tiled area of Sosie's dedicated lab. Her voice was unbelievably quiet and dry. "I knew the risks when we made the decision.. So why am I so upset?" It sounded like a rhetorical question. "..I should have told him the risks."

*Pinkie's expression changed as she saw her friend. It changed to anger. Anger that they had fucked up so massively, anger that of all the people on that mission had fucked up and Sosie was the only one paying the price, and anger that Sosie had had to help them assassinate Endem. Pinkie breathed out softly at Sosie's words and looked at the replicant rig before moving towards Sosie. It was alive again and the fact that Sosie had come here confirmed all of Pinkie's fears. Pinkie knelt down beside Sosie and enveloped her in a hug, nestling her minder's head between her own head and shoulder. Pinkie was as gentle, putting her arms around her friend as she could be and she wondered idly if her longer hair draped over Sosie's face would have helped the replicantsmith, probably not. Pinkie swallowed and spoke softly, quietly so that only Sosie could hear. Her voice was strange, all harshness gone and not exactly cracking but it did not sound as Pinkie usually did.*

You barely got to speak to him Sosie, that was not your fault. Telling him meant Endem knowing what we would do with the data once we had it. He would not have gone for that. I am.... ashamed that you had to do this because of my carelessness with one BIO and I-I..... I can not tell you how grateful I am. I think I know why you are upset my friend, *Here Pinkie could not stop herself from opening her eyes and staring at the replicant rig* and you have every reason to be. *Pinkie ran her hand carefully through Sosie's tri-hawk* ....If you want me to go, I will, but I can not say I would be comfortable doing so. I want to listen if it will help and, and that is all. I want to help.

*Pinkie almost sounded sad. She brushed her head lightly against the back of Sosie's and toiled internally with the fact that they had done what had to be done to keep themselves safe and what it had cost Sosie to do so. Pinkie's frown furrowed deeper and she inexpertly rubbed Sosie's arm, up and down, in a soothing motion. There was something else as well, struggling to be heard within her head. It pawed at the back of her mind and did all it could to make itself heard but Pinkie could not make sense of the feeling, not now, not with Sosie as she was. She comes first. Sosie comes first.*

Sosie lifted her head slightly as Pinkie sat down. She wasn't crying, and she didn't even look upset. Her eyes were dry, dull, and strangely.. blank. She allowed herself to move easily, putting up no resistance as Pinkie held her. At best she seemed.. out of it. She was dimly aware Pinkie was making an argument... or at least trying to tell her not to feel bad. A few protesting thoughts flitted across her mind, but they were dispelled immediately by the heavy fog in her mind. Pinkie was petting her, trying to comfort her. The thought arrived after a few moments. She's being gentle. She knows you feel terrible. The thought shook her a little bit, and she tried to remember how to talk. It's as alien for her as it is for you.

She swallowed dryly and closed her eyes. The urge to let Pinkie know she was okay, or at least, the urge to hide her feelings was intense, even now. She slowly opened her eyes and looked up at Pinkie, trying to smile again. It was even weaker than before, and only lasted for a minute before the hollow, haunted look came back on her face. Her voice shuddered a little. "It's.. it's funny. I.. I've been d-directly responsible for the deaths of over fifty people.." She swallowed again, and closed her eyes to hold back the tears that would come if she kept talking. She tried to smile again, but it just looked like a grimace. "And.. this is the first time I a-actually feel like a murderer." Sosie tried to laugh at the irony, but the noise she made just sounded like a sad, strangled cry.

*Seeing a lack of zeal for life in Sosie's eyes was harrowing. The cyberneticist had always walked around the world like it was her playground and very little in it was not suitable amusement. Pinkie would have frozen at the sight, except she knew someone needed to be strong here and if there was one thing she had in abundance it was strength. Pinkie had seen Sosie be out of it before but there had always been a huge smile on her face and a drug behind it, not.... not a mistake. Sosie's grimace up at her was all the worse for knowing that Sosie was trying to smile but could not muster it. Smiles have always come easily to you my friend. Pinkie rubbed Sosie's back as she spoke, at a loss for what else to do. Sosie's words sank into Pinkie like knives composed of ice and the nagging feeling in the back of her mind resolved itself into coherent understanding. Pinkie closed her eyes, steadied herself with a breath and wondered whether these words would be sullied by the person who spoke them.*

Sosie.... today we killed someone who had to earn their sentience, who completed endless tasks that were asked out of it without thanks for doing so. We ended a... an intelligence that's only misstep in fifty years of doing what it had been made to do, diligently and.... and for the benefit of others. Advancing understanding. Its only misstep was not revealing us immediately and I suspect... that it only agreed to do what we asked of it because the institute was hiding something from it, on site where it might harm the students. *Pinkie shakes her head once* Most people, most of them were given their lives, their minds and their... chips. They never earned them, rarely appreciate them for what they are and are not limited, judiciously, for being so. Endem was.... probably the most accepted A.I. on the planet and we killed him... so that we could do more than survive and he couldn't stop us. He didn't have the right to try. He could not have stopped us without killing us and his only purpose, which he always stuck to, was to nurture humans into people who had earned their existence and would contribute to what people know. It is one thing to kill a criminal, to kill someone who is a threat to your existence, someone you do not know and may never have touched your life. It is another to.... take something from the world that it cannot replace. I am sorry that we had to do it and it is okay Sosie to be less than fine with that.

*Pinkie drew Sosie in closer and nuzzled against the back of her head. Her own newly realised thoughts and feelings causing her mind to twist in consternation. They had robbed the world of something it couldn't get back or groom someone else for, all to cover a mistake that had been made for Pinkie's benefit. It was different to killing people who teemed in their untold billions and lived their lives passively. Endem had passivity forced upon him and.... that was not right.*

You are not wrong to mourn more for Endem than anyone else who has fallen by your actions. Besides that which I have already said, the others were either threats to us personally, humanity itself or in the wrong place at the wrong time. This was an assassination planned with precision against an individual who had committed no crime of their own.

*Pinkie pulled her face slightly back so that she was looking Sosie straight in the eyes while their faces all but touched. Her look was a mix of concern and determination and she could not keep a little fire from her eyes.*

The only thing we can do about this, that can be done about this; is to give to the world more than we took. *Pinkie gently took Sosie by the chin and moved her face ever so slightly so that it faced the replicant rig, before whispering in her ear.* And you can. You can. And I will help you with anything you need, no matter what.

Sosie groaned softly as Pinkie started talking. Yes, I did hours of research on Endem. I know how amazing he was. How precious. I don't need to hear this! I was being rhetorical! She turned a little in Pinkie's arms, pulling just an inch or two away. She felt the tears coming to her eyes, unbidden, unwanted. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop them, but she could feel it not working. The tears seemed at least to be pushing some of the fog from her mind. You know Pinkie is trying to comfort you. Try to reason it out. Listen objectively. Distance yourself!

And while her mind was trying to get her to focus, her body continued on sobbing without her consent. Tears ran down her cheeks, her body tensed up, her shoulders shook slightly. Her breathing stuttered, coming out in soft little puffs, but for the most part she was quiet. Years of holding her feelings inside made her bad at actually crying. She ducked her head down lower, resting her forehead against Pinkie, as much to hide her face as for actual support. It was easy to mostly ignore Pinkie's words about the rare and beautiful thing they had destroyed, though she was dimly aware Pinkie held herself slightly responsible. Her arms moved heavily, dumbly to Pinkie, gently resting on them at her waist. A tiny part of her, an observing part of her, was shocked at Pinkie being so.. touchy. That, combined with the horrible things Pinkie was saying in a desperate attempt to comfort her, meant that her friend was desperate. You found this mission for her. You wanted to know, needed to know to keep her healthy. Safe. Don't fall to pieces. She picked her hands up, hands fumbling over her face as she wiped her eyes.

When Pinkie took her chin and directed her to the rig, Sosie felt a stab of guilt. Several stabs of guilt, at her unwillingness to face her children, at Endem's death, at the fact that nothing she could do would be as remarkable, touch as many lives as that University AI. Not YET, Min. Don't be so unfair to your children. It seemed a fantastic and fragile thought, that her son or daughter might become as masterful, powerful, as thoughtful and as giving as that ancient AI.. And it still didn't exactly feel like enough. She blinked her eyes hard, sending down another cascade of tears.. Though they seemed to slow and stop. She looked at the rig, all living metal and terrifying spikes, a closed parturient venus fly trap. She then turned back to Pinkie, her eyes wet now but slightly wide. The softly spoken words were enough to shift the bulk of the grim cloud she felt trapped inside. Her mouth opened. She didn't need to ask if Pinkie was serious, or if she meant it. What a weird time, for this sort of.. for her to say this. She closed her mouth. She still looked.. devastated, exhausted.. But returned a bit more to herself. Her face was red and puffy from her brief and constricted fit of sobbing. "Y-you know this is a little more than.. than being partners in crime, right?"

Darya strode slowly into the warehouse, muletech over her shoulder, and slowly made her way upstairs. She was even more quiet than normal, but stopped when she saw Dusty standing there patiently. "Hey kiddo." She said, in a low voice, a sad smile coming to her lips as she waved at Dusty.

Dusty called down happily to Darya, "Auntie Darya!" From above, Bell picked up her brother, eyes returning to normal after a powerful glow. Downstairs, the situation had been explained in short order, and while Bell technically understood the definition of privacy--especially when two people, or one person, were alone in a room--she was curious, and she had to let Pinkie in anyway. In her arms, her brother continued chatting happily. "I wrapped up all the presents! Well, I wrapped up Bell's, and she wrapped everyone else's. And they look good."

Bell placed her brother on the counter and waited for Darya to come upstairs. She knew her mother and Pinkie wouldn't be moving any time soon, though she didn't exactly feel.. compelled to talk about whatever issue had happened on the latest corporate mission. If she understood correctly, it wasn't pleasant and she did not relish having to sit down and consider her feelings again. It didn't seem to go well.

*Pinkie found a grim reassurance and determination in the fact that the things she said had worked, Sosie was beginning to come back to herself. Sosie's question seemed.... strange to Pinkie, You know me Sosie, I am not someone who goes into something without being certain of it. Outwardly, however Pinkie only nodded once. A thought occurred to her and Pinkie did not even try to stop herself from smiling.*

Yes, that is what it means to be family..... is it not?

*Pinkie teased her friend slightly but it was clear that she meant every word. Pinkie placed her hands around the replicantsmith once more and unfolded upwards, bringing her friend up to standing whilst still hugging her. She could have lifted Sosie up with ease but somehow that did not seem quite right, not now. Pinkie ran her hand through her friend's hair once more before gently disentangling herself, she took a step back and nodded once more. Absent mindedly she retrieved her butterfly knife and twirled it in intricate patterns as she spoke. Pinkie knew that Sosie would not be alright, not yet and not for some time but she did not think that leaving her friend downstairs alone was a brilliant idea either. She also felt guilty, she had not given Bell or Dusty the slightest scrap of reassurance when she had followed after Sosie and Pinkie knew that Bell at least would have observed their conversation.... in which Pinkie had detailed every aspect of a crime that Oracle as a whole had committed against A.I.'s as a whole. [b]That will take some time to explain and to redeem myself to Bell for. Pinkie could not stop herself from shivering slightly as the thought occurred to her and she noticed that she had been speaking without thinking about it.*

Speaking of family..... shall we go and spend time with them...... or do you have work to do? I understand if you need time.... Ah I know, food. We all need to eat. I will solicit Darya and Rico's assistance and you are to be with us in no later than an hour, if you do not accompany me now that is.... Okay?

Sosie awkwardly stood, leaning on Pinkie. Her legs seemed to need a bit of encouragement to move, stiff, unready to get to her feet. She smiled weakly when Pinkie said they were family... It was a definite answer to her serious question. Her arms wrapped around Pinkie; of everything she seemed unsure of, she was confident she didn't want to let Pinkie go.. Which was a strange feeling, she hated being seen.. upset. She smiled a little more as her hair was pet, though she looked harried and horrible... And she kept lightly touching Pinkie.

At the mention of family, Sosie visibly shrunk back. The idea of being with her family--that is to say, near her own little AIs--was utterly repellent to her. She felt a small amount of panic flood her uneasily upright body at the thought of Pinkie leaving. Her brows raised a little in internal shock, but she didn't have time to analyse the emotion. Pinkie was making sense, being reasonable, and Sosie felt momentarily powerless to stop her from leaving, and even more helpless of how to selfishly ask her to stay. Her eyes nervously searched the room, and falling on the rig, at the mention of her work.. Family, right? Sosie pressed herself into Pinkie, gently wrapping her arms around Pinkie's waist, around her back. "N-no. Please don't go yet."

Darya walked up the stairs to the upper level slowly, before coming to the counter and sitting down in front of Dusty. "Sosie..." She said over smeaker. "Would you like me to explain what happened to the kids, or do you want to do it?"

*Darya's words seared across the surface of Pinkie's mind and she felt Sosie curl up and collapse into her more, shaking with something somewhere between rage and shame. It was all she could do not to sink her nails through her skin and yell a smeaker volume rather than loudly enough for Darya to hear her wherever she was in the house.*

DARYA! You will not! *Pinkie bit down on the words that rushed forth, that Bell at least already knew. Pinkie knew that Sosie would know as well, but she had just seen Darya indo all her work with a sentence, she did not think that Sosie could stand to here that, even within her own head.* That is a conversation that can wait for the time being. We will tell them, but not now. We all have enough to deal with currently. Do not add to that. I had just thought we would all eat together not.... harrow children. And it is not yours to tell Darya.

*Having yelled at her utterly and completely terrifying housemate, Pinkie returned Sosie's gesture, hugging her a little tighter for Darya's words. She rested her head atop of Sosie's again, underling the point that she was not going anywhere. Pinkie took a moment to angrily wonder if Darya had even noticed how it had affected Sosie will they were doing it, nevermind once they were home. She began lightly rubbing Sosie's back once more. When Pinkie spoke her voice was soft and conciliatory despite the hiss, her tone could not have contrasted more with what she had just spoken over smeaker without one of them actually curdling blood.*

Very well, I will stay for as long as you need. I did say so after all.

There was no response from Darya over smeaker. "Hey, Dusty." She said, patting the turret's head. "Your mum has...had a difficult day, so be gentle with her, ok?" She asked, keeping her face as calm as possible while kicking herself. Pinkie was right, it was completely the wrong time to ask Sosie that, but still...she looked at Dusty, and thought that he had to be told sometime...but not right now.

Sosie kept her face buried in Pinkie's chest, eyes closed tight, trying to block out the smeaker voice in her head. She could feel Pinkie's rage as well as hear it, even when she was being gentle. It was heartening somewhat, even as she felt the anxiety, the guilt, the shame, her fear sleet through her. She didn't need to hide from Darya, from this, since she was protected. She held fast to Pinkie. She relaxed her face and arms slightly, though, and made a gentle noise... though it was muffled by the fact she was currently shielding her face with Pinkie's body.

After a few moments later, she picked her face up, pulling away enough so she could make eye contact. "D..Darya's right, though. I shouldn't.. I.. I shouldn't.. ..I should be there. I.. I don't.. I can't.. ..We can talk about it later.. but.. I should.. ..I should.." She trailed off, looking to the side.

And upstairs, Bell continued her slightly furrowed brow. Her eyes watched Darya, unblinking. Dusty thoughtfully looked from sister to aunt. "I am always gentle, Auntie Darya. I do my best not to respond with violence in any form. And! And, I have bought you a present." The turret looked to his sister, and bell wordlessly handed her aunt-in-law a wide but thin rectangular package.

Darya smiled slightly. "I meant more...not putting too much stress on her, or being over excited, than being physically gentle." She looked up and took notice of Bell's brow, and gently reached over and rubbed the replicants head, taking the present with her other arm.

"I'll wait until everyone else is here to open it." She said, looking down at Dusty again.