Week 69: After A Brief Break

Silvia kept her head in her hands, her face hidden from Hugo, but her shoulders were shaking slightly as he talked. And at the description of Alessandro, she tensed, her skin rippling slightly over her spines.

Once Hugo stopped talking, there was a moment's pause as she tried to sort out the tangled mess of emotions swirling around her heart, before giving up. "Well," she said, not moving her head, "The last time I...I made a move on you...the next morning was...was not good. I...I screwed it up. And it...you know, sex...it's a big deal. Or at least," she added, raising her head a little at last to rub at her eyes, "it is in the Shi Yukiro. There's a lot of...emphasis. About who you sleep with. Making sure that they're, you know, pure enough. It's not something you just do...casually."

She hesitated and her gaze slid sideways, away from Hugo. "So...when I started treating it casually, with Carlos, it...it all went wrong. So I...for me, it's a big thing. I...I guess I'm kind of scared of it." That last comment came out with more than a touch of bitterness, but it seemed directed at herself.

Hugo's expression softened a little as he saw her cry, but still kept his distance, unwilling to move closer to Silvia or into the room. He frowned as he looked at her, and he voice was still hurt. "You.. you come off as scared. A lot... All the time. It's why I wanted to.. protect you." He shook his head, taking a small step toward her, finally facing completely away from the door. He looked away from her. "But it's also why I don't think I would ask you, even if I was the kind of person who would.. ask people for sex."

He went to touch Una again, fingers tapping softly on her shell in nervous motions. His posture was defensive. "And I don't think having sex with me would make sex.. less scary." He winced a little, still unable to make eye contact.

"Maybe not," Silvia said, shrugging awkwardly and still not looking directly at Hugo. "I...I don't know. But I...I'm scared enough that I can't really make the first move, I think. Not...not without a lot of alcohol and drugs, it seems." Again, there was a strong note of self-recrimination in her voice.

"I...I guess I should just...accept you do things differently to me," she tried, though it obviously took some effort to say that as she tried to mentally reshape her worldview. "I...I mean...if I'd thought...I should have known you would think about it differently to me. It...it just hurt to have that...to have it brought home like that. So I'm...sorry. For...lashing out." She still wasn't looking at Hugo, and there was still that note of anger, though it still seemed to be aimed at herself.

"Should have.. known?" Hugo looked at her now, finally able to make eye contact. His dark eyes were wide. His brows furrowed, and light dawned on his face. For a second he looked much, much more shocked than hurt. His lips parted in disbelief. "But you.. ..I.. Did you.. even ever have the video of that night?" As he spoke, his voice grew softer and more puzzled?

"Of...you mean the night after...after the celebration?" Silvia's face flushed as she asked the question, and she hurriedly carried on. "Well, I...I have it, yes. It's been...it's been on my eternity recorder. I watched...most of it. I think. I know what...the stuff I did. Up until we...stopped. Is that...is that important?"

Hugo's disbelief dissolved into a blank stare. It took him a long moment to remember to blink. His brows furrowed, and then he reached up with a hand and rubbed his face. He sighed. He shook his head and then nodded, a weird, almost smile passing over his face. When he looked back at Silvia, his expression was mostly unreadable. "Y..yeah. I said.. We were talking for.. like.. at least an hour afterward. Maybe two." His smiled a little, still, but he if anything, he looked more hurt, and much, much more sad.

He rubbed his face again, chuckling hoarsely. "Oh, oh wow." He kept his eyes away from her, and abraded them with unnecessary roughness with the back of his hand.

"We...were?" An expression of worry and concern made its way onto Silvia's still-red face and she finally managed to look directly at Hugo. "I...did I miss something important? Did we talk about...about this kind of stuff?"

The massive agent nodded, a little, voice thick with relief or sadness or.. something. "Ye..yeah. Not just that though, about.. lots of.. of stuff. About me, and you, and.. how.. I felt? How this would work? And.. when you sa-said you watched it.. I..."

He shook his head again, still keeping his hand over his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose thumb and forefinger at the corners of his eyes. He exhaled deeply. "I mean, I had never.. The things I said I..." But he seemed unable to finish his other sentences. After a pause he added softly, "I thought you.. you knew."

Silvia shook her head slowly, her eyes now apparently dry at last. "No, I...whatever you said, I...I'm sorry, I haven't seen it." She hesitated, unsure where to go from here, and at last she settled for standing up and beginning to pace restlessly back and forth. "I...I guess I should watch it then. And we...I guess we need to talk. About us. Properly talk. But...maybe now isn't the best time," she concluded, face turned away again. "Maybe we should...take a moment. To...to calm down."

Hugo was silent, nodding. It took him a while to remove his hands from his eyes, blinking. "Actually, I think.. I think, I think I'm going to go." He gestured to the door, hand falling a little weakly, his fingers twitching a little as he did so. It took him a second to take a few deep breaths, and he nodded, his voice getting stronger despite his stumbled words. "I don't feel so--I mean, I just.. I.. I need to go. I'll be.. I'll be around."

He turned back toward the door, waiting for a response while trying to keep his resolve up and avoid leaving outright.

"Yeah, that...okay," Silvia replied, nervously. "It...it's probably good for us to...to calm down away from each other." She didn't sound like she entirely believed what she was saying, and her face was turned awkwardly away.

"I...call me when you're ready to...to talk. Or...I'll call you. Whatever." The uncertainty was building in her voice, but it steadied as she kept speaking. "I...I want things to work out. I'm sorry."

The door opened as Hugo moved closer to it, still nodding. "I.. y-yeah. Me, me too." His voice was very quiet, and seemed as depressed as it was genuine. He had nothing else to say. With a brief wave of his fingertips, he left, taking Una and his bag of possessions with him.