Week 66, Mid-Week: No Rest for the Wicked

Silvia was indeed hiding her face in Hugo's arm, but he could still see that her ears at least were flushed. "I...you know how I feel," she mumbled. "Same as I've always felt. You're the one that...never mind."

Hugo's brow furrowed, and he took a deep breath. Silvia could feel him talking time to collect his words, but when he spoke, he only stated, "This is the first time that we have been sober and you didn't try to or want to run from me."

He kept his arms loosely around her, one arm wrapped around neck with hand resting on her shoulder, and the other on her waist.

Silvia didn't move, but she did raise her face so that Hugo could see the expression of confusion it was now wearing.

"I...I have? I...oh. I guess...I kind of have." Her face began to shift from confusion to...disappointment. "I...I'm sorry. But I was just...I just...I was scared. Of...how you might...what you might...I'm not explaining this well." She hung her head and Hugo could feel her tensing up. "I just...I get scared of...stuff like this. And when I get scared, I tend to...to run. That doesn't mean I didn't...didn't want it. If anything, I...I was running because I wanted it. Does...does that make sense?"

As Silvia looked up at Hugo, she could see he was some mixure of amused and.. slightly hurt. "..Kind of.. Sort of? It.. That's not the only reason you run. Maybe, at first, but.. ..You run for other reasons." As he spoke, his voice was getting softer, lower. "I know you're.. I thought you.. felt differently after.. what I said when I.. when I called you. You.. couldn't even stand me in the same.. same house... And I.. I don't blame you."

He looked like he was going to say more, but instead he closed his mouth, looking down, not sure how to continue.

"Well, I...I guess that did...there were...I did start avoiding you after that," Silvia admitted awkwardly. "It just...it hurt too much. To be...around you. Reminded me too much of...of what I'd...lost." She glanced downwards. "It's not like I hated you or anything, it just...hurt."

Even being reminded of how he had hurt Silvia made his chest ache, and he pulled her closer. His face twisted into a small grimace. She could feel him forget, for just a second, how strong he was now, and how immediately he went back to gently clinging. "I just.. didn't want to hurt you more. When you forgot, the.. the panic you had.. I.. ..I thought it would work, with you and me and Una, it.. it was working for that night. And then... When you woke up, and it didn't work, and you were so upset, and I thought, I, I... I told you, I can't bare to see you hurt, don't like to get close to people like this because they get hurt. And I the first thing that happens when we wake up is..."

He trailed off, and having said it out loud, seemed to come to some conclusion himself. He took a few deep breaths as the sudden influx of tangled thoughts passed through his head. He rested his cheek on Silvia's, pulling himself closer to her so he wouldn't need to look at her. "...I was scared. Scared I ruined everything and... scared that I'd just keep hurting you if.. if I didn't."

Silvia made no move to stop them moving closer, and in fact her arms actually circled around him, with a grip strong enough that Hugo could tell that her cybernetics were back online.

"In other words," she said softly, "you were running away too." Her voice wasn't accusatory at all, just...sympathetic. "And...I know...I know you meant the best, but...I think you probably...you hurt me a lot worse by...by pushing me away than...anything else you did might have done." She was trying hard not to accuse Hugo of anything, making her sound as though she was guilty for daring to bring this to his attention.

"And I think...I think it was probably for the best I ended up with you. I mean, from what I saw in the recordings...if I hadn't gone with you, I'd probably have gone with someone else and actually...had sex. And that would probably have been worse," she added, with a small amount of frustration creeping into her voice. "So...so it was probably a good thing. In hindsight. And there's no way you can blame yourself for it," she continued. "I mean, it was all my fault. I took the drugs, I drank, I came on to you and you kept asking me if I was sure. And I just kept saying yes, because I was drunk, and high...it was stupid of me."

As Silvia mentioned Hugo "running away", she could feel his whole body tensing. The idea obviously made him very uncomfortable. After only a brief moment he pulled her into him, moving his mouth to her shoulder, hiding his face in her hair, almost clinging to her.

When she finished talking, he didn't immediately respond. In fact, it wasn't clear if he was even breathing, holding his breath while he thought. Eventually, he sighed and spoke, voice muffled from his proximity to her neck. "...I do feel guilty, though. The only reason I didn't.. I mean, the only reason I stopped you from doing more was because I knew you were high and drunk. I mean, I mean.. we both were, and I... I didn't want to do anything that would.. make it hard for us to be.. be friends. I didn't really want to do too much more than kissing but you were... ...forceful. In, in a good way. You.. you wanted to be with me. And we were so happy and smiling and convincing and then when I heard how.. how long it had been since we were with anyone else then, I just, I had to do something to.. fix that." He didn't move his mouth from just above her neck, almost as if he was.. hiding his face. "..A, a few times.

"It...well, it seems like it worked," Silvia replied. "I mean...from what I saw, I seemed to be...enjoying it. Very much. If...if I had remembered it, it...it would probably have been really good for me. It's...it's not like you...took advantage of me. Not really. I...would have been fine with it. I am fine with it. It's just...because I forgot...how I ended up waking up..." she trailed off.

"That...that was the problem. Spending the night with you...I wanted that. That's why I was so happy." She paused for a moment, wondering whether to say what she was thinking. And then she took a deep breath and took the plunge. "To be honest, I...I still want that. Even though I know...I know we said we...we wouldn't."

Hugo relaxed a little, probably not even realizing his nose was nuzzling against her neck for a few moments. "You don't always act like you want to, picarita." He sounded more affectionate as he pulled away to meet her eyes. He reached up to brush her hair from her face, and possibly to buy more time to sort out his thoughts.

He looked her over, licking his lips thoughtfully. This was Silvia, and it was so natural to think of her as Silvia, despite the fact she looked nothing like the woman he had held his first few days in Oracle. He sighed. "And I still love Una."

Silvia's gaze was locked on Hugo's face, and she didn't seem able to look away. "I...no, I guess I don't," she said, slightly sadly. "Akemi always told me I should be more...assertive. And I...I know you love Una. It's...always been that way. But I...I think I can cope with that." She was very obviously hesitant, but she seemed to believe what she was saying.

Silvia's last words made Hugo's eyebrows raise, and he shifted a little, nervously. He slid his hand down her arm back down to her back, and pulled her closer. He didn't want to let go, but he seemed a little panicked. He had to look away from her prolonged gaze. "B-but, what if you're not okay with it? What if you can't cope, and then I just hurt the both of you?"

His dark eyes settled on staring past her to the door without even really realizing what he was seeing. "What if I get scared and.. and run again, and don't even know I'm doing it?" There was a lot of harshness in the word 'run', though it appeared to be directed at some other source far removed from Silvia.

"I...I don't know," Silvia replied quietly, dropping her gaze and speaking quietly. "I guess then we...we try to work it out. But it...it seems to hurt us just as much if we...try to...avoid anything. So if that doesn't work...we should probably try and find something that does. Whatever...whatever that might be. Just trying to ignore it is...is running all over again. I think I can cope and that...that's all we have to go on. And if we try and run again...hopefully the other person can see it."

Hugo's eyes moved from the door back to Silvia's face, and he sighed quietly. His eyes closed. His hand moved up and down her body, over the blankets, before resting on the small of her back. He got quieter, too, as he spoke. "I don't want to run. Not.. not from anything, especially not from you."

He kissed her forehead, eyes still closed, and whispered guiltily, "And I need to know you don't want to run from me. That you want me. I... I feel, I don't want to ask you, but... I told you before, I normally--I need to know. That you want to stay, want me to stay, want... me." He kept his lips on her skin as he spoke, and she could feel him struggle with the words, with saying what he needed to say. "I can't.. do this otherwise."

Silvia's hands moved as Hugo's did, eventually finding a place on his back almost equal to where his own were placed on hers.

"I...I don't want to run," she said, softly. "Not from you. Never from you. Sometimes from me, but never...never from you. I want you to...to stay with me and be with me and...yes, I want you." It had been hard to say at first, but now the words were coming faster and easier. "I don't want anything more than that - just...just you, and me. That's all."

"...And Una." There was no malice in his voice, just a gentle reminder. He relaxed a fair bit hearing that she wanted him, even if the fingers on his pillow arm twisted and nervously played with the pillow. He pulled her to him by her hips, though their bodies were already touching. It was slightly sexual, but mostly he just seemed to want to get closer to her. "She likes you, you know. She was mad when I.. was terrible to you."

"She...she does? She was?" Silvia wasn't entirely sure how to react, but the interest in her voice was real. Even if she didn't quite regard Una the same way that Hugo did, it was obvious that this was a good thing. She let Hugo pull her closer with no resistance, her own arms tightening slightly on his bare back. "I'm...it's good. Good to hear that...she likes me."

The tension that had tightened his muscles a few moments before was fading rapidly, especially as Hugo talked about Una. He nodded, keeping his lips against her forehead. "Prototypes have a ten percent chance, more or less, of jamming. Galvanic blowback. I knew she was special because even when she was made of sub-par materials she never bit me. Never jammed. Never, in months and months and months." He voice was getting slower, sleepier, and he let his head rest on his shoulder, next so Silvia's. "The dream mission, with the.. tentacles.. she jammed. For the first time, she jammed. When I needed her, and my attempts to fight were drowned in all those... bodies." He shuddered. "I knew she was mad, and.. the only thing that had changed in our lives was you."

"Oh, I'm...I'm sorry that happened," Silvia replied, apparently slightly startled at Hugo's tale. "That...sounds like it was...bad," she continued, trying to work out her own feelings on the subject. She was...fairly sure that Una couldn't just "decide" something like that, but...who knew? "I...I never wanted to...to come between the two of you," she tried, hesitantly.

Hugo shrugged with the shoulder that wasn't currently being used as a pillow, sighing a little. "You didn't. She just needs to be.. aggressive cuz I'm dumb. And.. she did.. amazing things when we were getting you back. I know she wanted you back as much as I did." His hand now rested on her hip, eyes opening just a little as he smiled at her.

"Well, by the sound of it, you did some pretty amazing things too," Silvia replied with probably the biggest and warmest smile Hugo had seen from her since her rescue. "I...I mean, all of you did, but you...it sounded like you really did some...some incredible stuff." One hand now moved to the arm leading to her hip and held it loosely, affectionately. "Thank you. For that."

It wasn't the just warmest smile, it was one of the only smiles. She could feel him relaxing, sinking into the bed as he smiled back. "Nothing any more amazing than usual." He sounded more humble than cocky, dismissing her compliment. He brushed his nose against hers, sleepily. "Besides, I told you, I needed you to be safe. I couldn't think about.. about anything else." His hand moved to her back, cradling her closer instinctively, getting a little more awake and anxious just thinking about it. His voice dropped to a low mutter, and he looked down. "I would have done anything just to know you were going to be okay."

Silvia settled closer to Hugo as he drew her in, until their bodies were resting against one another, her arms circled around him.

"I know," she whispered. "I know you would. I'm...I'm sorry I ever doubted you. And really...you were amazing. You...took a plasma cannon to the chest. For me." She cocked her head slightly and smiled again. "You know, I don't think anyone else has ever done that," she added, with an amused edge to her voice.

"Plasma sub-machine gun." The nuke corrected, smiling more as Silvia cuddled against him. He couldn't help himself when guns were concerned. His lips weren't more than two inches from hers, though he didn't even seem aware he was getting closer. "You don't have to be sorry, picarita. I.. I should have been more clear that night, somehow." His voice was warm, quiet. "And.. I'd do it again for you. Right now."

"It's not your fault either, Hugo, okay?" Silvia's voice was serious, but warm, not chiding. "It was just us - both of us - being dumb. And thankfully, there's no need for you to be facing plasma right now. If you can manage it, being shot once by that thing is enough. I don't want you getting yourself killed for my sake," she added, slightly nervously. "That would...not be good. Just...being together, here. That's what I want you to be doing right now."