Week 67: A Promised Conversation

As Silvia slipped into the bar, she hesitated, realising just how ill-dressed she was for the occasion. Not only was she still wearing her usual combat trousers and T-shirt, this particular set was starting to look a little bit ragged. Not to mention sweat-stained - she'd just come from some combat exercises, and was rather out of practice with them too.

The upshot of all this was that she felt horribly self-conscious as she approached the figure at the bar, who appeared to be downing a number of drinks. "Uh...Fenris?" she said, cautiously, looking nervously around at the watching (and mocking, don't forget mocking) faces. "Are you...okay?"

Silvia wasn't the only one who looked out of place. The woman at the bar was wearing her usual dark, slightly baggy clothes, but apart from that she didn't look too worse for wear. (pass looking good on the dot) As the other agent spoke, Fenris looked up from the sizable collection of glasses in front of her. She sighed "I'm fine Silvia, are you OK?" It was obvious from the tone of her voice that she didn't believe what she was saying, even her question didn't seem genuine, as if she was just going through the motions. And the pained look in her eyes confirmed it, she was miserable.

Silvia couldn't help but start backwards slightly at Fenris' obvious untruth. "Fenris! You look..." Here she paused, glancing at the other bar patrons, some of whom still had their eyes fixed on the two Oracle Agents. "You look terrible," she tried, leaning in closer and speaking quieter. "Maybe we should...uh...get you out of here."

Fenris followed Silvia's gaze to the rest of the drunks in the bar. Well, if they were making her uncomfortable they could find another bar. "I'm Fine!" She insisted, but was no more convincing than last time. Getting up, she paid her tab and hurried out. She just wanted to find somewhere she could settle in for the night, and find it soon.

Silvia hurried out after her, one arm raised slightly as though to make a grab for her. "Fenris? Fenris, wait. You're...you're..." she trailed off, trying to find exactly the words to describe it without being offensive, and then rallied. "I think you...you should probably get back to your suite. I mean, it...it doesn't sound like you're fine."

She didn't slow down, striding forwards at full pace, forcing the smaller woman to struggle to keep up. "We almost died Silvia. If they hadn't wanted to torture us for information, we would have, we'd be corpses floating in space somewhere. We shouldn't have been so careless!" As she spoke Fenris was becoming more bitter and angry. She was definitely drawing some attention as she headed deeper into the depths of the World View.

Silvia glanced around cautiously at the people who were beginning to stare and switched to smeaker, just about keeping up with Fenris without running.

Fenris, there...there was nothing more we could have done. And it's certainly not healthy to sit in a bar and try and drown it out with drink! She realised as she was talking that this was perhaps not the best approach to be taking, but she ploughed on regardless. Maybe you...you should get back to your suite. I mean...we're not dead, right? However close we came.

"That's not the point! We can't just rely on blind fucking luck! We can't afford to slip up!" As she continued the other passengers started to become a lot more open in their interest, a lot of them stopping what they were doing to watch the angry woman storm past.

No, we can't rely on it, Silvia replied, still looking around nervously at the attention they were attracting, but it...doesn't help if all we do is look back at what happened and beat ourselves up about it. It...it happened, we did the best we could, it wasn't enough, but we made it through in the end. Uh...most of us, she hastily appended, remembering Positron's suicide with a shudder.

If we keep focused on what happened, then next time will catch us by surprise - we need to move on. Put it behind us. At least to the point where it doesn't affect how we act. She was still keeping pace with Fenris, but the other woman was just beginning to outpace her and she was starting to slow slightly as the collective gaze of the crowd turned upon them.

Fenris was beginning to notice the crowd now, and she too started to slow in the face of the unwanted attention. "How can it not? It was far too close. I... I can't die... Not yet." As she spoke, Fenris' anger seemed to melt away, and she began to look increasingly unnerved by all the bystanders. Finally she drew to a halt. "... Maybe we should go back to the suite."

"Yes, I think we should," Silvia said, softly, finally drawing level with Fenris. "I...it looks like you need it." And, she added, I think we...uh...need to have that talk we mentioned at the party. This...you're having problems, Fenris. Even I can tell that. And if I can tell it...that means it's pretty bad.

She winced. Now? Fenris was suddenly very reluctant to continue this conversation. I.. I can't. Not now. We're on holiday for fuck's sake! She was scrambling for a reason not to do this, but there was still a crowd staring, so the infiltrator decided it was time to leave. "Let's go."

That's right, we're on holiday, Silvia said, taking one of the other woman's arms and beginning to move towards her suite, casting nervous glances at the crowd around them. And instead of going and having fun, you're sitting in a bar, trying to drink your way past your augments. We need to talk. Despite the confidence in her words, Fenris could still hear an edge of nervousness in her smeakered voice.

Hey! Some of us might enjoy sitting in a bar getting drunk! It was just as obvious now as it was a few minutes ago, Fenris had not been enjoying herself. Certainly more than talking... She did not resist Silvia at all as she was lead away. Just as eager to be rid of the constant stares.

Right. There were an awful lot of nuances loaded onto that single word, which made it hard to work out exactly what Silvia was trying to say. Regardless, she kept quiet as the two of them headed towards Fenris' suite, not needing to ask her fellow Agent the way.

Fenris was happy to walk in silence, it meant they weren't talking about... what happened. Once they got to her suite, Fenris presented her arm for scanning, the door sliding open a moment later. "Well, I should probably sleep this off. Thanks for the chat." She stepped inside and went to shut the door.

As Fenris mentioned sleeping it off, Silvia nodded and drew back slightly. Then what she was saying (or rather, not saying) registered properly and she made a grab for the door, holding it back.

"Wait, wait! You're not getting off that easy. You and I...we still need to talk, okay?"

Fenris sighed. "I'm sure we will. Just, not now?" She said hopefully.

Silvia was tempted - very, very tempted - to just drop the subject and let her friend have her peace. She even began to draw back slightly, taking her hand off the door. Then she remembered how she had felt when she had arrived at Oracle - utterly terrible. And how much it had helped to talk with Hugo, even though she hadn't really wanted to. Her posture stiffened slightly with new resolve, and she took a step forward into the doorway - not threatening, just making sure couldn't Fenris couldn't shut her out.

"Look, Fenris, I know you don't want to talk," she tried, as gently as she could, "but trust me, it will help. Even if it...feels like shit...okay?"

Fenris backed away slightly, looking for another way out of the rooms, and not seeing anything, looked pleadingly at the woman trapping her in there. After seeing that Silvia was not about to back down, she hung her head in defeat. "Fine." Her voice came out very small, and tinged with despair.

Slowly, carefully, Silvia closed the door behind her, approached the other woman and took her arm, leading her to the bed, where she sat and let Fenris sit beside her.

"Okay, Fenris," she said, nerves not entirely absent from her voice. "Talk to me. What's wrong?"

There was a significant pause as Fenris steeled herself, and tried to find the words to answer Silvia. "Well... My... " The pained expression clearly showed she didn't know how to say it, so she didn't. "<sigh>I shouldn't have come here, I... I shouldn't be here." The misery and guilt Silvia had seen in the bar had returned full force.

Sympathy was showing clearly on Silvia's face, and it wasn't something she was having to feign. "Why?" she tried. "I mean...Oracle seems like a perfect fit for you. You've got the right skillset, the right attitude, and everybody here likes you. Or...uh...did you mean somewhere else?"

Confusion crept onto Fenris' face. "What? No. Here. Going to Varstaag... I've not... Earned it." She was getting more and more frustrated, her hands clenched into fists on her lap.

The confusion visible on Fenris' face was quickly replicated on Silvia's as she stared at her fellow Agent, brow furrowed. "Earned...coming to Varstaag? What do you mean by that? I mean, you have the money, don't you? And you did some pretty ridiculous stuff to get it. Or is this some..." She hesitated, unsure exactly how to phrase her query. "...Some EI thing I don't get?"